Troublemaker Twos

All is quiet in my home except faint music playing in the girls' bedroom to soothe them to sleep.  

It feels oh so good. I'm wearing my coziest sweatpants and softest tee and it's one of those "moments." You know them... the ones where all feels exactly as it should. The ones where you feel accomplished and wiped out, but satisfied.  

Two years old. They aren't called the terrible two's for nothing, though I deem that phrase a bit harsh for these angelic, hopeful, emotional two-year-old faces that have looked up at me with big, blue, full eyes.  

Two means emotions cannot yet be articulated, but they are felt and otherwise expressed to the fullest. Two means pitter-pattering footsteps that run everywhere, and walk nowhere. It means a lot of spilled milk and a lot of stained clothing.   

The word "no" plays a big part in two-years-old. The stomping of feet, the boneless collapses, and uncontrollable tears are learned.  

The first time I went through the second year, I cried endless tears and threw my hands up in hopelessness on more than one occasion. I thought my child was simply going to be a bad kid, because she didn't mind any disciplines or any of my words. When I look at her at four-years-old, I now see that "this too {this unnerving stage of two} shall pass." My child is not forever going to test my consistency on discipline. 

If I wish away two-years-old, with all its tantrums and patience testing, I will find myself longing for this.  

Longing for the unabashed displays of affection and showers of love. For the twinkly eyes of mischief and feet that run and explore and grow way too fast. For the tears that express exactly how my darling feels without reservation. For the moments that a kiss can make the whole world feel better. For the charming way they say nanananana rather than banana.  

When all is quiet, it feels good. Peaceful moments are rare and treasured these days. This moment feels right.

I'll take these moments and savor them once in awhile.... but most of the time, I'll take two. I'll take two with all its highs and all its lows. With its full heart and unwavering trust and all its love.

so many xoxo's to my girls.  

Embrace Imperfection

When I think of childhood, I think of a clean home, a table set and dinner made every night at 5:30pm, a backyard that was incredible for playing for hours, homemade cookies in my lunch bag, and bedtime stories with my mom, who also managed to be beautiful every day. My image of my mom is as super-woman. 

When I say to my mom that she always had the house clean, she remembers differently. When I mention her I wish I could make every-night-healthy dinners like she did, she reminds me of the ones that were hardly healthy. When I tell her our home was the best, she recalls that our home was under construction for a number of years.  

We are too hard on ourselves. I think most mothers are. I have this saying for my husband that "it's either I look good or the house looks good," but I so desperately want to have both be true when he comes home from work... my own expectations, not his for me. 

As a stay-at-home mom, I feel the need to have my children fed, clean, educated at some point each day, getting outside, playing with me and independently, happy always, learning to be perfect little citizens of the world. I expect my closets to be clean and my home to be tidied. I expect to look nice and presentable at all hours of my days.

Expectations are just as high for those friends of mine who are working moms. They want to have their work shine in the workplace, and then get home and have home-cooked meals and clean homes, while managing to also get quality time with their babies. It's the same, though different.

I got sick this weekend. I couldn't fulfill any of the things I'm accustomed to accomplishing on a weekend. I couldn't catch up on my laundry, or cook, or get to the store for essentials, and I definitely couldn't manage to look anything but exhausted. I had felt like I was in a groove of capability through the week, and it came to a standstill. I was stuck in the bed, sleeping while my husband took care of everything. It felt awful and wonderful all at once. 

I read a book. I didn't "do" anything else. I thought a lot and rested a lot. I wanted to write about a million posts about who-knows-what while I was thinking, but I didn't write either. I just rested.  

Sometimes I think we are given seemingly imperfect circumstances- like sickness on a weekend- to let us recognize that we cannot do everything and we can be okay with that. Mothers work our hardest but we need to be okay with being still. With resting. With introspection and quiet prayer. It can be more important even than having perfect homes and perfect work and perfect children.

I'm starting this week far from perfect. Physically and at home. I actually start every week far from perfect, but it generally isn't quite so glaring. ;) Today I'm going to take it easy and read a lot of books to my children. My meals will not be fancy, my home is epic messy, and I'll probably take a nap. I will continue striving to do my best as a mother, and I will continue to be imperfect.

I'm okay with it. I welcome it.

xo,

Kate

Make Your Mark

I fell asleep on the couch at my parent's house at 7:30 tonight. Everyone should invite me for over for dinner, right? Ha. 

I'm sleepy! Maggie has been waking at 6:30 this week (new 2-year molar maybe?) and we are sooo spoiled with the 7am wakeup that this crazy still-dark wakeup call is taking it out of us. I know a lot of friends whose children wake at 5 and they're probably wanting to have some choice words with me right about now, so I'll move on.

We used the car today and drove to the beautiful north bay for a Mark and Graham Trunk show at Pottery Barn. Have you heard of it? It's a new brand with a modern monogram on their products. So much prettiness. I don't own much that is monogrammed, but there is something extra special about a piece that has been specifically monogrammed just for you, you know? It's particularly perfect for buying wedding gifts or Christmas gifts.  Everything feels like fine quality and it was good to see in person. They'll be doing more trunk shows this fall, so be sure to look for one in your city. :) 

After we shopped, we crossed the pretty bridge with all its views (we HAVE to walk the Golden Gate Bridge soon. It's one of those things locals always forget to do with their kids and I am determined to go this fall!), and went to see my family. We brought a nice batch of apples (obviously) to cut all together at my parents' and made a crumble for dessert. It was unreal. I'll totally be rounding up these recipes I've been getting up for apples, and get some recipes to you. One thing I'm learning? Apple recipes hardly need any ingredients to be good.  

There you have it. A day in the life. It was a good Thursday. Thursdays are so close to Friday that sometimes they feel almost as good. 

Celebrating

My husband turned 31 last weekend. He looks like he probably turned 23, and his heart is 19, but his age is 31.  

Birthdays are great. They really are. A REALLY good birthday can be simple. In our old age (!), we prefer being with people we love, focused only on quality time together. We met dear friends at the beach for a beautiful bonfire to celebrate, and it was just right. We discussed who assembles the best s'mores, throws the best spiral, and jumps the furthest off the sandy dunes {In my opinion, Brian won all three}. 

I love simplicity.

I'm lucky because I'm younger than Brian... but only by a month... I'm taking every opportunity to let him know he's an old man for the next 25 days or so. Also, how much I adore him, but that goes without saying. ;) 

So glad we get to grow old together.  

xxoo.  

Joy

I can't quite describe how much this smile meant to me today. 

Some days it's just hard to get out of a funk. I woke on the wrong side of the bed; we overdid the weekend (!) and I couldn't shake it... I snapped unnecessarily and was cranky and testy all day. I felt terrible. 

...but this little girl and her beautiful smile turned things around for me.

When her daddy asked her if she had a good day, she said emphatically "yes!" She went on to tell him all the things she did that were great. She didn't even tell him that I wasn't sweet or that I didn't finish helping her spell all her friends' names on the card she was making. She told him they read books, and that they played with their toys and had lunch on the deck. She told him she rode her scooter and wore her new favorite shoes. She told him all the good and none of the bad.

I love children. I love their ability to see the brightness. I love their ability to forget where their mama failed them. I love their ability to hug me and say "mama I love you" when they see I have tears. They'll lean down to kiss any owie. They'll unabashedly tell people that they love them and that they are making them happy in the moment that they are happy. They are fully present in their moments. They see the glass so full, and their joy is contagious. 

Today these girls of mine blew me away. They took a cranky mama and had me laughing until my sides hurt this evening. 

So.so.grateful. 

Thinking about:

Last week I got totally emotional and had a crazy-mom moment... I'm talking tears folks. School is coming. 

Here's the most embarrassing thing to admit: I got teary thinking of Sophie going to school next fall. No, not this fall. Next. I never have thought myself to be a teary type, but hey, things change. Kids change things. Kids growing up too fast change things. Ahhh. 

I think the realization is just that once they go to school, they're literally gone five mornings a week. I won't be able to go in reverse and say "oh, let's do that time again!" Mornings are the best time for little dates at coffee shops, for walks and bus rides to parks and grocery stores, for staying in pj's until noon on Mondays... we're living the good life here.

I'm going to go ahead and appreciate the fact that getting into pre-school in San Francisco takes so much work and $$$ and about two years of advance application, so I didn't get my act together... and I'm going to soak in every moment of mornings together. 

All sentiment aside: I LOVE the back-to-school vibe... all the school supplies really are serious fun, and they've only gotten better since I was in kindergarten, obviously.  

Here's where you get the cute things above:

supply: notebook || colored pencils || desktop accessories

wear: sweater || oxfords || skirt

carry: backpack || water bottle || lunch box