Nearly 21 Months

My Maggie just cried in her little crib about those cruel teeth persistently pushing through sore baby gums. I went to her room and sang "hush little baby" and looked at those sweet closed eyes with beautiful long lashes, clutching her lovie and drifting to dreamland. She's beautiful. She is my baby. She's also getting big. She's establishing a will of her own and using every means she has to communicate that will to me. ​She's curious, she's a climber, she's a creator and a tornato. She loves pearls and purses and babies and doing everything like her big sister. She laughs and squeals and giggles endlessly... until she can hardly breathe. She sees when I'm sad or disappointed and bends her face so she can see mine and plant a kiss on my cheek. She's had her first, second, third and fourth tantrum of her life this week, and I know we're nearing two years. I want to bottle this "now." She's not a baby, she's not yet a big girl. Her nails are pink because mine are pink and I can't refuse those blue eyes looking up at me holding the polish and wiggling her fingers.

She's my sweet little Maggie with the strawberry blonde hair. 

​Sometimes I think that I love bedtime best, because I can get the kids snuggled down and I can relax after the long day.

...but in reality it's the mornings I love best. Those mornings that come too soon, peeking sunshine into my blurry eyes, hearing chantings of "mama, mama" from the next room.

When I look back to 21 months, my heart will be in love with the sounds of morning, the moments of dependence, the gazes of adoration and the perfectly chubby little feet that run everywhere they go. ​

xoxoxo my Maggie. so very many hugs and kisses.​

​Mama

Photos by Pictilio for StyleSmaller. 

​Tee (similar). Jumper. Sandals. Headband (similar).

In case you want to see: Maggie 19 months. Ohhh she's grown so much!

Beautiful Mess

I put flowers in a little vase and set it on the table. I went to the other room for two minutes, came back, and found the flowers IN the bottle vase, and the stems and water all over the table. And I took a picture.​

​It was a mess. BUT... a beautiful mess. The petals were still vibrant, stems were beside them and the water had spilled just so.

It is so indicative of our lives in this little stage: that beautiful, messy chaos.. Paints on the table, keys are who-knows-where (quite possibly in the garbage, shout-out to Maggie), the crayons all over the floor... oops, forgot to grab a gift for the birthday party, and forgot to put that dinner plan in the calendar... total chaos.

Sometimes, when the girls are sleeping, I clean a whole room and then I very deliberately "style" a surface to perfect prettiness. I say to myself, "I think that's beautiful," and wish it could stay like that for awhile... but it doesn't.  ​

​When I saw that mess, it struck me as so beautiful... It would need to be corrected, of course. I couldn't leave the water sitting and the petals inside that vase, but it was a beautiful moment. And I needed to recognize the beauty. 

This chaotic mess we call life around here- that far from immaculately organized home we share, that calendar with all its accidental gaps, those belated birthday gifts... that mess of life is beautiful. It will all be sorted, and our kids will correct their own messes and head off to school and grow up.

I will not feel so scattered that day, and all my surfaces may look perfectly styled and pretty like they do for those nap times... but I know- I just know- that I will look back to this day and say,

"wow, what a beautiful moment of life THAT was." 

So I'll be relishing in the chaos of today...​ 

...and believe me... there IS chaos today. :)​

xoxo

Hope

Image from RueMag 

The month before Sophie came into our lives, the market tanked. People were going broke, banks were broke, discouragement, and despair was the norm, and there was not much confidence. I was obviously uncomfortable at night (pregnancy has the habit of doing that to a person), and would wake and lie in bed, thinking about the world. Thinking to myself "how can I possibly bring a new baby into this world, so full of uncertainty and turmoil?"

There are days- like a few months ago- like yesterday- that those thoughts come back to my mind. I say "how am I to parent in a world like this? How could we have decided to bring two such loved little girls into this crazy, uncertain, volatile place?" 

I want to shield them. I want to guard them. I want to protect them with every morsel of my being. Protect from harm, protect from hurt, protect even from the slightest adversity. I say things like that I'll homeschool and keep them from going anywhere without me.

Then I take a deep breath and really consider...  

What if the people who have felt such hatred and anger that they decided to bomb someone had their life touched early... perhaps in school? Perhaps instead of being bullied or treated poorly, or led to believe violent acts are just, what if they were shown kindness and love and friendship? And what if that bitterness- that has the potential to start so young- never, ever was given roots to develop to this point, simply because someone showed them they are loved? And what if it was your child or mine that showed a lonely and broken child how to forgive and be kind... show them that they are loved and created by God and cherished? Showed them that harming others is wrong? 

Sheltering our children from the world and all its sadness and brokenness sounds so appealing sometimes... but when we hide ourselves and our children, we also hide the potential to bring joy, bring kindness, and bring love to one another. We are imperfect people, living in an imperfect world, but with God's help, we must try to change the brokenness with hope... hope, not despair. 

So we'll pray for the broken-hearted in Boston. We'll pray and have hope.

Childhood

I kind of think everyone wants to be a kid, most days. For some reason, kids think grown-up life is the BEST (endless ice cream and no bedtimes!), but I think most grown-ups agree that there's just nothing quite like the enchantment of childhood. ​

When you're a child, every dream is ahead and every day's objective is to play. There's no shame in lunch being splattered all over a tee shirt, there is no bashfulness about whether or not your outfit matches, and when you fall, you're not checking to see whether anyone noticed-- you're just looking for a kiss and patterned bandaid. 

Your jumping jacks are all wrong, but you think they're all right. ​Your art is collected shades of brown, but it definitely deserves a magnet on the refrigerator. Your hair is unbrushed to the point of dreadlocks, but that sparkly headband makes you sure you're a princess. You'll try to repeat words in other languages without being concerned whether your accent is perfect or not. 

You don't live to be an image of perfection. You just live to attempt and maybe succeed, maybe fail. You love to learn, you love to dream.

You are hopeful and beautiful and imperfectly perfect. ​

Childhood is forever appealing... it's a beautiful gift of possibilities and faith and hope... 

How glad I am to have two beautiful little teachers keeping me in line every day. ;)​

​XOXO,

Kate

Thank you Silvana di Franco for perfect pictures of a happy, messy childhood.​

​Tee. Sweater. Skirt. Shoes.

---

Today

Today I want to write about today.​ 

I don't have it all together today. I don't even have things close to all together. Projects are half-complete. Laundry has piled. I need to go to the store. The girls have not taken their naps. Today I had to take away the privilege of going to the park because of disobedience. I'm making headway... but I'm okay with the in-between today. Some days I'm not okay with it, but today I am.

Today Maggie ate a coin. And Sophie sobbed and said "I can't believe it! Maggie ate a coin. Her tummy will be ruined! She will be so sick. I can't believe it." Maggie was giggling and running in circles and thinking the whole scene was fantastic as I called my cousin {who is in medicine} to have him assure Sophie that Maggie would be fine (and we'll just keep checking on her in the next couple days...) 

​Today it's 70 degrees. The trees are sprouting green and white in the most beautiful way. Today my view is perfection. The birds are singing and I think they think it's a pretty darn good day too. 

I haven't been sleeping well for one reason or another lately (aka. small children in my bed & scary movie nightmares), but today I feel rested. We've gone on a couple family day trips in the last couple months and today I realize that they are refreshing me. Without staying the night or having elaborate vacations, I have been refreshed by day trips and the adventure with our little family this year. Try it. Seriously.

Today I need to keep doing the things that need to be done, but today it felt so right to sit and think about how grateful today is making me.​

Love,

Kate